Mailbag: October 3, 2003

Let's hit the mailbag:

"How come nobody is making a big deal of the "have we ever seen Keith Van Horn and gay Simon from Real World Paris, in the same room together" angle? Am I the only one here? Secondly, are there any gay players in the NBA? If so do you have a All-Gay NBA team?" – Dan S., Boston Mass

- The question Dan, is why did Bunim/Murray let Keith Van Horn onto the Real World? The man needs to be stopped. See for yourself below people, Simon is no other than basketball horror, Keith Van Horn. Same mohawky thing, same paleness, same doing guys in the butt in the locker room. Moving on to your next question, I don't play in the NBA unfortunately so I don't see it firsthand, so I'm just gonna throw some names out of people I don't like. There obviously is Van Horn. McGrady made a statement this week saying 5% of the NBA is gay, which makes him gay. You know he uses the lazy eye to check out the other dude's asses. Then there are the Portland Trailblazers and Vin Baker for good measure. 

    

"Miles Away From Ordinary."

 

"Is it wrong for a guy to brag that he has slept with a woman that he knows has slept with a professional athlete? Is that like saying you slept with Kobe Bryant or something? Gay? Wrong? Indifferent?" – D. Spiro, Boston Mass.

- First off Dan, what is with two gay-related questions in one email? Maybe you missed it when I was making out with that chick at the bar last Friday, but I have no idea what goes on in the world of gay. You're a sportscaster, call up Van Horn and ask him. The bottomline is that the dude slept with a chick, score. Unless the professional athlete pulled out 2 seconds before he went in then it is something to be proud of. Like the time I beat Dahntay Jones twice in Knockout. I know from experience that "jersey chasers" are usually hot and usually damn hard to get if you are not an athlete yourself. To this day I loathe David Terrell for stealing Cecilia away from me. I was so close. But I wasn't on the "Bears". Oh, and don't ever disrespect my homie Kobe again or I will stab you. And who did that girl get with anyway? The readers wanna know.

On Last Week's Article:

"While I agree completely with the high regards that you hold your four favorite cartoons, I can only assume that the absence of The Thundercats was a glaring omission.  What gives?" – Semmy S., Ann Arbor MI

- Semmy, I'm sorry to break it to you, but with the exception of Mumra, Thundercats was crap. Lionel was a douchebag. I don't know, I just never got into it, maybe cause nothing ever happened. I liked Voltron better than Thundercats.  Your mom formed the head last night, actually.   

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