The OC

 

  This week I wanna sit down and talk about something very close to my heart. It came into my life over the summer, while I was still working hard throwing game over at Waterworks. It changed my life for the better. It gave me something to watch before Playmakers when it was on Tuesdays and now something to watch after Smallville on Wednesday nights. I love you The OC, you are awesome. 

Some of you guys out there might think I've gone soft cause I watch The OC like I'm a teenage girl with braces and an acne problem that got just got dumped faster than a baby girl born in China. Well you're wrong about me being a Dairy Queen Softee, punk. If you'd take the time to watch it you'd see that you're wrong. But I'm betting you already do, you liar. Plus on top of it actually being a good show, being up to date with the storyline helps you pick up chicks, since they all love to talk about it. It's win-win for you, comrade.

Why do I like The OC? Several reasons, none of which have to do with plot structure or anything technical, even though I have a degree in Film and Video Studies (Hire me damn it! Why am I trying to give when no one gives me a try?). So you idiots can keep up without having to learn any new lingo, Mike DeAngelis (who actually pulled over and got scared when I flashed my headlight strobes at his car), I'm talking to you. 

Reason #1: It takes place in California, which is wheeeere I want to beeee. So by watching the show I can pretend I'm actually there instead of lame ass New Jersey where there's nothing to do except go to Taco Bell at 1am and get fat, which I am doing on an All-Madden level by the way. Cause if you're gonna do something do it right, be the best. "To give anything but your best is to sacrifice the gift." Shut up, Prefontaine, nobody asked you.

Reason #2: The kid gets adopted into a crazy rich family. Who doesn't want that? If some rich people wanted to adopt me right now I'd let them. I love my real family, don't get me wrong, but I've been hanging with them for 22 years, it's time to hang out with giant stacks of paper. I hear giant stacks of paper is the ultimate wingman at the club and gets all his friends BMWs for their birthdays.  My real parents are still making me pay for my car, and it's 10 years old. Anyways,  I could always visit my real family in my private apache attack helicopter, which I will buy with my new parents' money, so once again, win-win. 

Reason #3: It's California, and not only California, but "Fictional California". "Fictional California" would be the equivalent of Green Valley in The Land Before Time. It's where we're all trying to go, despite rumors that it doesn't really exist. I aim to be the Columbus of my time and prove it does. "Fictional California" is beautiful, the weather is always perfect, there are no illegal immigrants everywhere, no budget problems, it's not on fire, and most importantly, every girl you see is hot. I'm not talking like 1 out of 5, I'm talking every single one. "Fictional CA" doesn't look for realism or diversity, they look for hot. Got an exotic look? Big boobs? Welcome to paradise. If you're a guy, you apparently need to be either buff, quick witted, or able to make lots of faces to express your emotion without actually talking much. I'm in luck, as I capture all 3 elements. Do not argue this!

Reason #4: Speaking of big boobs, I love Summer. Not the season dumbass, although that's great, I mean the character. I love her. Screw that super-skinny British girl (didn't know she's from the UK and has an accent in real life did you sucka?) I want the dark haired Summer. She is soooo hot. Did you see her in the candy striper outfit? And she's always wearing the mini-skirts and bikini tops to tease me. And according to IMDB.com, she's my age. It's gotta be fate talking to me here, somebody hook me up with her number. Basically Summer is the main reason I watch the show, I'm not gonna lie.

Reason #5: Seth reminds me of myself. Yes, there is a character named Ryan, which is cool, but he's a loser. Seth was based on me.  And I'm not saying that because he likes Summer too, although that is true. He's just like a Jewish version of me. Semi-nerdy, yet overall cool, a good friend, quick witted and funny. If he started raising his eyebrows more and doing the wiggle-dance it would be a dead on impersonation of your king. And eventually he will get Summer, as I will in real life, you Herbs just wait and see. 

So if you haven't watched The OC yet you need to start. It's on Wednesdays at 9 I think, and no, Fox did not pay me to write this article, although some compensation for all this hard work would be kinda nice. I've been doing this for almost 2 months now and haven't seen a dime. One of you people have to know somebody at some sort of publication that will print me. All of you go to Collegehumor.com and submit my site for their hotlinks. Cause I've been there once and I wanna go back. Maybe if enough of you submit they'll finally realize that I'm talented and give me some exposure.  I could be a papered up powerhouse.

 

Time to scream "thug life" and empty a clip, cause I'm tired of runnin' from the motherf'n po-lice.   

 

 

 

1. Track comments via RSS 2.0 feed. Feel free to post the comment, or trackback from your web site.

   Currently there are no comments related to article "The OC".

1. You must be logged in to post the comment!