If you're a fan of a team like the Detroit Lions, there are only two ways you will ever see your team achieve even a .500 record in your lifetime. One option is to buy a Delorean, invent the flux capacitor, install said capacitor, steal plutonium from the terrorists, survive terrorist retaliation that may or may not take place in a mall parking lot, and proceed to drive exactly 88 mph into the early 90s, an era before Herman Moore got old and injured and Barry Sanders got tired of carrying a team on his back, an age when the Lions were actually decent and made the playoffs. Or you could hit a button, pick up a controller, and play Madden 2004's franchise mode and bring them back to life yourself. I'm sure you science whizzes would choose option #1. But then, being a giant ass nerd who has the time to invent the flux capacitor, you wouldn't like sports in the first place and therefore, would never have a need to even think up a crazy idea like inventing a time machine to make the Lions good again, which would mean your life would never veer towards the above two options, leading you to the Orange Julius at the mall for a quick pick-me-up and an argument with the Radio Shack employees over which transistor will work better in the robot girl companion you're building . (My intricate grasp of time travel and the logic and paradoxes behind it is turning you ladies on, isn't it? Come on, just touch it.)
We shall now move on, assuming the rest of you were waaaay too lazy to build a time machine and chose option #2. Football video games have definitly had their share of peaks and valleys. "NFL" for the NES kinda sucked, where as "Tecmo Bowl" and especially it's sequel, "Tecmo Super Bowl" rank up there with the best video games of all time. I will take on and defeat all challengers in "Tecmo Super Bowl", by the way, so bring it chumps. Then we had games like "Joe Montana's Sports-Talk Football". The first game with announcers, basically Stephen Hawking with the worst play-by-play ever. And uniforms still consisted of plain color jerseys and plain white helmets. Then EA Sports created the Madden Franchise, and rocked our collective worlds forever. ( And ladies, I know you just made a face and said something annoying along the lines of "I don't play video games, they're stupid". Well, Madden affected you too, it stole your boyfriend. You're also just bitter cause your brother wouldn't let you play "TMNT 3: The Manhattan Project" and you got stuck with "Mickey Mousecapades" for the first 10 years of your life).
Madden had all the real players, the real uniforms, cool moves and easy gameplay. And the announcers sounded like John Madden and Pat Summerall. You also began to run up and down the field as opposed to left to right. And for you Lions fans, they made Barry and his spin move unstoppable. How many times did you hear Madden say "Speed…..kills, first down" as Barry broke another 50 yard dash? But EA Sports, like the dealers in those old DARE cartoons, knew what they were doing. Get the kids addicted, the drug sells itself.
Madden 2004 came out on
1.) You have lost your job and/or your girlfriend because that NFC Championship game against the Eagles was much more important than that "Anniversary Dinner" she's been planning all month. "Come on girl, you gotta see my side of this, Tiki ran for FOUR touchdowns! I couldn't miss that, damn! Why you gotta be an ice queen all the time?" You will never though, lose your friends over Madden, cause they know how it feels to play 5 games in a row even though you really need to eat and go to the bathroom.
2.) When discussing your season with another " really cool, really awesome owner/coach/GM", you often refer to your players as if you are best friends and hang out all the time, for example, "yeah man, Kerry Collins and I picked up some chicks at the bar last Saturday. Then Kerry got really hammered and almost got beat up real bad for some comments he made. Luckily I was there and got the guys to calm down". Even those players who the game made up for seasons further down the road you consider to actually exist. Cade Horton made the pro-bowl last year biatch! Damn it! Why won't you believe me?
3.) You have actually considered buying a real, custom jersey of one of those players that the game randomly created for the draft. Gary Spence, #18 for life, boyeee!
4.) You believe, that if you had been given the chance, you'd be just as good in the NFL as your "all 99's, ironman football" created self, where realistically, you can barely move quick enough to play flag football with your beer bellied friends anymore.
5.) When drinking out at the bar/club, conversation will often turn from how your friend Mike "The Hammer" DeAngelis should go talk to the 40 year old lady by the bar who's been checking him out all night to this week's fantasy football matchups and then, ultimately, to how many yards everybody's QB threw for in their last game against the Panthers. For some reason you will all go home sad and alone. Don't lie to yourself! You know you have done this!
6.) When creating a team full of your friends, you will let a friend know next time you see him, that in the game you have 345 more receiving yards than him, officially making you the better real life athlete and getter of the girls.
How can EA ever improve on the Madden franchise, especially now that it's been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame? Here's how: on top of playing the football games, you get to take your players outside of the stadium, GTA style. PS2 Ryan Glover can hop in a Lamborghini, hit up the club, do more than one model chick in the bathroom at the same time, and then stab the dude that was mad-dogging him all night and blame it on his boy like Ray Lewis did. Cause if it's in the game, it's in the game, right? If you need me, I'll be hiding in the trunk of my car for a while…
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