The OC

  This week I wanna sit down and talk about something very close to my heart. It came into my life over the summer, while I was still working hard throwing game over at Waterworks. It changed my life for the better. It gave me something to watch before Playmakers when it was on Tuesdays and now something to watch after Smallville on Wednesday nights. I love you The OC, you are awesome.  More >>

Tampax Commercials

 This week I'd like to discuss some television commercials that have been flooding my TV recently. There are a few clever ones, and I really enjoy the clever ones, but more often than not they are just awful, almost as bad as those 5 minute "Reggae Jams" compilation cd infomercial things. You can pay me $500,000 and I will make you people some kick ass commercials, but no, you won't listen to me, you listen to some old, rich white dude who thinks he has his finger on the pulse of teenage girls everywhere. But is he the king of pop culture? No. I am. Ad execs ain't got nothin on me. Damn "the Man" and his unwillingness to pay me to sell out.  Cause I would, in a second. Anyway, the leader in terrible commercials I would pay money to see go away is……..Tampax. And we will discuss this in further detail………now. More >>

Madden 2004

If you're a fan of a team like the Detroit Lions, there are only two ways you will ever see your team achieve even a .500 record in your lifetime. One option is to buy a Delorean, invent the flux capacitor, install said capacitor, steal plutonium from the terrorists, survive terrorist retaliation that may or may not take place in a mall parking lot, and proceed to drive exactly 88 mph into the early 90s, an era before Herman Moore got old and injured and Barry Sanders got tired of carrying a team on his back, an age when the Lions were actually decent and made the playoffs. Or you could hit a button, pick up a controller, and play Madden 2004's franchise mode and bring them back to life yourself. I'm sure you science whizzes would choose option #1. But then, being a giant ass nerd who has the time to invent the flux capacitor,  you wouldn't like sports in the first place and therefore, would never have a need to even think up a crazy idea like inventing a time machine to make the Lions good again, which would mean your life would never veer towards the above two options, leading you to the Orange Julius at the mall for a quick pick-me-up and an argument with the Radio Shack employees over which transistor will work better in the robot girl companion you're building . (My intricate grasp of time travel and the logic and paradoxes behind it is turning you ladies on, isn't it? Come on, just touch it.) More >>

Oregon Trail Deluxe

I was on Kazaa lately, browsing through the "merchandise" and I downloaded Oregon Trail Deluxe (which is now abandonware and free to download in case you're a twelve year old girl scared of being sued by rich old white dudes). Ohhhh, the memories. Odell Down Under, Number Munchers, Dr. Quandary, Carmen Sandiego; all were the beautiful children of the Apple IIGS. But nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to Oregon Trail Deluxe. Don't kid yourself, you're relaxing in the back of your 5th grade classroom when out of nowhere, bam! biff!,  it's free period! You get to do whatever you want. While the girls huddled up in the coat rack area to discuss what was surely lame stuff like hopscotch and ponytail ribbon colors, all the cool badasses headed towards the classroom crack that was the IIGS, and they'd heat that crack with MECC's cross-country masterpiece, "Da Trail". Inhale boys, this is gonna be one hell of a ride. More >>

Real World: Paris

 Sup Herbs, welcome back to the greatest column ever. I've been playing Oregon Trail Deluxe all week, and I was gonna write about that, but I feel there's an even greater force in society that I must currently address. Oregon Trail will have to go find some wild fruit and wait till next week because this week, The Real World must be stopped. I'm serious. Stop it Bunim/Murray,  you bastard. Or at least cast my friends and I.

Now I understand that most of it is clever editing and manipulation of clips to create a "dramatic" storyline, but seriously, these toolboxes have to go. This show hasn't been quality since Hawaii and you all know it (Battle of the Sexes was as awesome as they come though). All right, let's break down the "characters" on the show this season: More >>